Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
