I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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