I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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