Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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