Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
