words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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