I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
