I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
