So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
