Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
