You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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