I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
