I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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