Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
