I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
