you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
