i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
