My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
