If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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