I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
