I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
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