This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So many bounce houses so little time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
