I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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