so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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