i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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