you guys were way drunker than both of me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
