Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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