So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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