Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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