how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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