I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
