i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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