4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
