I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
