it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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