i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
