You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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