i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
