Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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