His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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