Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
