apparently the secret to your success is patron
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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