No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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