Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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