can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
