And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
