She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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