We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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