So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
