I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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