In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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