so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
