You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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