i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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