walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I could fuck to npr.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
