i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
