My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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