Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
