I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
