He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
