Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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